36. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul? 37. For what will a man give in exchange for his soul?… Mark 8:36
These past 12 months have been a flood of peaks and valleys, and through it all my resolve has been tested.
I recently made a comment that I am seeking (I guess that means my life is about) truth, no matter what. I am coming to learn the very nature about truth, it is a piercing light. It does not compromise, it often is painful, and it will remove some that you love from your life. But in the end it is necessary.
Truth is mournful
My baby sister died in January after struggling with Diabetes nearly her whole life. I sat at her bedside for the final month, and for a time our family thought she would pull through. Ultimately, her body was not strong enough. I make the distinction that it was her BODY that surrendered. In one of our last conversations she made it clear to me that her will to live was very strong. The truth within this is simple, life is short. Leave nothing to be said for tomorrow because the sun may not rise on that day.
Truth is heartbreaking
My most recent failed relationship, and yes there have been several over these past years, seemed to reside at the corner of miscommunication and misunderstood expectations. And I swear our neighbor was a lack of self love ... but any way. If I am being honest, we never really resided in the same house mentally or emotionally to begin with. I just wanted us to ... The relationship was moving too fast I admit and some genies cannot be put back in the bottle once opened. Nothing left to do accept put it down, turn and walk away.
Truth is compelling
I am finding my center again. Family and friends reside at the middle of my soul and I am in a constant wrestling match with the devil to keep them there. For example: I have struggled with a feeling of abandonment from several of the people I am corresponding with now! I have communicated with only one of you over these past few years and she has periodically reached out to see how I am doing. I felt some kind of way about that in the past. Over time I have come to realize two things: One, I am mostly to blame for this. How can a person know you are upset with them if you don't tell them? Second, that behavior is nothing more than a form of self pity, I HATE SELF PITY. It doesn't take Rick Ross to tell me that "The Devil is a Lie!" Water under the bridge, I miss you all. ...
The Ronin speaks
