A (random) thought on intensity

What follows is a quote from jazz musician Branford Marsalis, given during an interview for Ken Burns' documentary "Jazz."

" A lot of younger musicians were hanging around (the jazz drummer) Elvin Jones, and they were talking about, 'Man, you know the intensity you guys were playing with when you played with Coltrane, what was that like? How do you play with that kind of intensity?
"And Elvin looks at them and says, 'You gotta be willing to die with a mutha fucka.' "
"And they started laughing, like kids do, waiting for the punchline. Then they realized somewhere in the middle of that he was serious."
"How many people do you know that are willing to die -- period? Die with anybody? And when you listen to those records that's exactly what they sound like. They would die for each other."

So the question is, where does your intensity reside? What, if anything, are you willing to wager your life against? Is it God, family, friends, love, freedom ... money, power, possessions? Or is it life itself? Throughout history mankind has lived and died trying to answer these very questions.

Today, however, popular thought is that most people wouldn't give up their lives. The criticism is that they don't stand for anything.

I'm just wondering which vantage point has a better outlook on life?

Elvin Ray Jones (September 9, 1927 – May 18, 2004)

If (some) black men put together a playlist for women (Top 25+7)

At a recent book discussion, a friendly acquaintance and I got on the subject of songs. Not just any songs though, I volunteered a song that I thought would be a good song for a woman to listen to if she wanted to spy a good perspective on how to approach dealing with a man. She then asked me to compile a list of songs that I thought would be good for the same purpose; she wanted a playlist on how brothers think in regards to women and relationships.
In keeping with my favorite quote, I don't know enough to speak for all black men, so I consulted the experts -- other brothers. I asked a group of men that I both respect and value their opinions (for any of my homeboys who feel I left them out, check your missed texts). The group of men ranged in age, career path, education history, income, geographic location and other criteria, as well as responses. The songs varied in genre, age, etc., and ranged from songs on how that man wants a woman to deal with him, what he wants her to do, what he thinks when he sees her and what he thinks of her (among other things). The resulting list was LONG of course, so I had to pair it down. What follows is a sampling of their responses.
Fellas, if your choice of song(s) doesn't show up on the list, feel free to comment with your own playlist. Ladies, I am curious to know what your songs to a man would be. PLEASE comment with your own list.

1)Sometimes- Bilal
2)Come Close- Common (Personal favorite)
3)Talk to Me- Jill Scott
4)Guess Who Loves You More- Raheem DeVaughn
5)Stop Breaking My Heart- Rashaan Patterson
6)Beautiful Skin- Goodie Mob
7)Desire- Raheem DeVaughn
8)Make You Feel Beautiful
9)Beauty- Dru Hill
10)Papers- Usher (Now You know this was gonna make the list)
11)A House is Not a Home- Luther Vandross
12) Overjoyed- Stevie Wonder
13)Rocket Love- Stevie Wonder
14)Femininity- Eric Benet
15)I Tried- Anthony Hamilton
16)The Point of it all- Anthony Hamilton
17)U Don't Have to Call- Usher
18)Everybody Knows- John Legend
19)If I was your Girlfriend- Prince (Thanks to Hill Harper from the book "the Conversation")
20)Flashing Lights- Kanye West
21)I Used to Love U- John Legend
22)Make Time for Love- Fred Hammonds (Why must there be a seperation between God and romance?)
23)Excuse Me Miss- Jay-Z
24)Save Room- John Legend
25)Anytime, Anyplace- Janet Jackson
26)TeachMe- Musiq
27)That's How Strong My Love is-Otis Redding (Ol' Skool Playa's section begins here)
28)Going in Circles- The Dells
29) I'd Rather be with you- Bootsy Collins
30)Call on Me-Janet Jackson, Nelly (surprising addition from the 18-year-old contingent)
31)Reveal My Heart-Deitrick Haddon(Plz see No. 22)
32)Selfish- Slum Village

Random thought (The shell game)

Imagine you are playing a shell game. You know the kind you see on the street corner in big cities. The only difference is instead of the monetary amount a lot of people play for you’ve managed to stuff under one of those shells the “perfect” woman for you.  As the street hustler starts to shift the cups around you lock your eyes on the one you are certain has your lady under it. After some time he comes to a stop and you point out the one you are sure has "the ONE" hidden. Wrong! You point to the second shell. Wrong again! So you point to the third and final shell. Nope, sorry! You are so crushed by your loss at the shell game that you fail to look to your side and see that “the ONE” has been right next to you the whole damn time. You turn and walk away mumbling to yourself and leave her standing there.

(For the purposes of this post, any word(s) you see in quotes is meant to show terms most people believe in and use. I don't personally -- that's just silly.)

I'll be the judge of that. ... Or maybe I won't.

This just can't be true. Is it? A couple days ago I was talking with a good friend when the subject of attraction between men and women came up. During the conversation she (who, for the purposes of this discussion, will remain nameless) said, in general when women are getting ready to go out, they are more cognizant of women's opinions rather than those of men. In other words, they prefer that other women find what they are wearing attractive than men. What??
Let's be clear, we are talking about adult, heterosexual, single women heading out to social settings where they might be introduced to a gentleman they like. And when we use the term "attractive" we are talking about whether someone is sexually appealing. As in, "Man, she is sexy!"
Now I know I might be missing something, but Doesn't that approach defeat the whole purpose? Could you imagine a brother staring at the mirror wondering out loud, "Man, I hope the dudes at the club don't think these jeans make my but look fat." Or "I can't wear these Js. They are so 2004!" ... I'M A GROWN ASS MAN DOG! What do I look like wanting another dude to be checking me out!
Here is my question: Who should be the judge of what ensemble is most attractive on the opposite sex?
And since the majority of you don't respond to my questions anyway, feel free to make this one rhetorical.

ohh Yeah I forgot to add this

"If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both."

 Native American saying

Tales of a Cowardly Lion (God and Girlfriends part 2)

I do some of my best thinking driving on the interstate late at night …

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things that I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

COURAGE

It should never be underestimated a man’s ability to bullshit himself into thinking any fantasy he has created is in fact reality. All you need then is a woman who doesn’t want to deflate his ego or hurt his feelings (or his fragile psyche) with the sharpness of the blade of truth and you’ve got the recipe for some great tragic theater.

Truth is my own worst fear is to be alone. To live my whole life, to travel to all the ends of the earth, live to be one hundred and ten years old and never find the woman I'm meant to spend it with. Now I know what you are thinking, come on G, you and that big head of yours are over thinking the whole situation. Yeah, maybe you are right. But do you ever think about how often we humans manage to live alone even in the trappings of what those on the outside would consider a happy relationship? Imagine a marriage where the husband and wife spend more time arguing or just not even speaking to each other, than they ever do truly loving and sharing themselves with their mate. Or a relationship where days transpire between communications and when the parties do “talk” it’s via text (LOL smiley face! LOL smiley face!). Let’s not forget the favorite male archetype of the “playa.” He is so incapable, so unwilling or (more likely) so afraid of being vulnerable to a woman that he tries to keep a harem filled with “back up plans.” I’m guilty of at least two of these – I’ll let you figure out which two.

Cowardice

Chris Rock hit the nail on the head with his famous “friend zone” diatribe. If we are being honest, most (I repeat MOST) men would tell women -- if you are not related to us or married to a really good friend or family member of ours we’ve thought about you in an intimate setting. (Come on now, I know it’s not just me!) So imagine how deflating it is to have a woman say “I see you as a friend.” How is a man supposed to handle that? I know my personal response has been to weaponize a women’s idea of friendship against her. I’ve refused to be friends with any women. Let me say that again, until about a month ago I’ve not considered myself friends with ANY woman I’ve known. She was a relative, a friendly acquaintance or just some chick I knew. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the women I’ve managed to get myself romantically entangled with. How selfish right? It’s that mentality that lent itself to the disposition of “dating” three or more women at the same time.

I guess deep down I just didn’t (and still don’t really) want to get caught holding the emotional bag if our “relationship” didn’t work. So I would juggle three, four, five “friends” at the same time. Guess I enjoyed the idea of tossing multiple daggers in the air and trying to catch them again. I’m only now coming to realize just how alone that behavior has really made me …